Broken

This week brought forth many challenges, but along with the challenges the Lord blessed me with a huge breakthrough. A lesson in letting go that relieved me of so much. It felt so good… so redeeming… so honest.

I was reminded of a post Angie Smith (Bring the Rain) wrote soon after the death of her daughter Audrey. If you don’t know Angie… GO MEET HER HERE. She is an amazing woman of God. She is beautiful, funny, brilliant and a great writer. I want to be HER when I grow up ;-).

The following is a "borrowed" post from Angie that can be read in its entirety here. I was reminded of this post because I feel it really describes the point of my life that I am fighting my way out of at the moment… being broken… but putting myself back together again.

 Rebuilding my life one piece at a time.

Angie’s post is titled "The Past and the Pitcher" and it discusses how Angie decided she would follow some advice she had read in a book about grieving the loss of a child.  A therapist encourages those grieving to take something and break it. At first, Angie thought the idea was ridiculous but then the Lord began to speak to her heart that breaking something was exactly what she should do. So, she went to her cabinets, pulled out a perfectly good pitcher, walked outside onto her front porch, threw it on the ground and watched it shatter into pieces...

Photo from Angie Smith

She stared at it for a while then God spoke to her…

Put it back together...

And after several hot glue gun burns on her bloody hands…

she did...

Photo from Angie Smith

Then she wrote these life changing words on her blog:

And as I worked, He let me think about my past. Mistakes that I have long regretted. I began to realize that this pitcher was my life, and every piece was part of a story that He had chosen to put together. I started crying, and remembering things I thought I had forgotten. It took a long time to finish, but it was time well spent. Every nook and cranny whispered to me, until at last it stood in all its imperfection.

Here you are, Angie.

You are mended. You are filled with my Spirit, and I am asking you to pour yourself out.

The image of my life as a broken pitcher was beautiful to me, but at the same time, it was hard to look at all of the cracks.

I ran my fingers along them and told Him I wish it had been different. How I wished I had always loved Him, always obeyed Him, always sought Him the way I should. I was mad at the imperfections, years wasted, gaping holes where it should be smooth.

But God, my ever-gracious God, was gentle and yet convicting as He explained.

My dearest Angie. How do you think the world has seen me? If it wasn't for the cracks, I couldn't seep out the way I do. I chose the pitcher. I chose you, just as you are.

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Wow! It is not bad to be broken. We will all break… some of us more often than others… but the true test of faith is… can we glue ourselves back together again?

Being broken doesn’t mean you are now worthless… it doesn’t mean it is time to give up… it simply means it is time to trust in Him who can give us the hot glue to put the pieces back together again.

We need to stop looking at the broken pitcher, the broken heart, the broken life...and seeing all that is wrong and useless… we focus too much on the brokenness of our life instead of the blessing that can be found in the cracks.

I have lived my life seeing the pity in people’s eyes when they see me walk. I have been told, “God still loves you.” I nod to be polite, but what I really want to say is, of course He does. Why wouldn’t He? Because I can’t walk “right”? It’s funny the way people’s minds think. I know they mean well, but still. I know I am blessed. Broken, but blessed. And I am to the point where I have realized that I need to share with EVERYONE that I am ok.  I am VERY blessed. I am a testimony of His goodness and mercy.

Where are you today? Do you look at your life and just stare at the broken pieces? Do you hide your scars, your pain, your hurt - or do you allow God to use those cracked areas of your life to pour into you so that you can overflow into the lives of others?

Those cracks are what will allow people to see a true miracle; the miracle that the Lord has created in each of us.

Be blessed my friends and allow yourself to shine through your cracks.