Flipped

You are wearing your favorite blouse, having a good day... then...

Flip... your blouse tears.

You are on your way to have a great evening with the family... then...

Flip... you are involved in a hit and run car accident.

You just got a great promotion at work... then...

Flip... a family member is diagnosed with cancer.

You are having a great family vacation... then...

Flip... you suffer a major injury.

You are an amazing athlete... then...

Flip... you are involved in an accident that leaves you paralyzed.

You just found out you were pregnant... then...

Flip... you miscarry.

Life is perfect... then...

Flip... now it's not.

Are you ready for the flips?

How will you land?

Flat on your face?

Will you fall to your knees?

Will your faith stay strong?

 Will your faith grow?

Will your faith be lost?

Are you prepared to flip? It is not a question of WILL you flip... but when...

Be ready. Build your faith. Know He is still there... He is there in the midst of your flip.

He wants you to focus on what He is doing in your life in the midst of all the flips... He wants you to trust in Him.

Can you? Will you?

**********

We often wonder why God allows bad things to happen to good people.  We question Him.  Some tell try to instill in our minds negative thoughts.  They tell us if our God was so powerful He would not have "allowed" the bad things to occur.  You see, God sees the bad things that happen - He knows they are going to happen way before they actually happen- they are all part of "our" story.  The story that He wrote.  They happen to us to shape us to who we need to be.  Who He needs us to be. 

We need to trust Him...

Job 1:21

The LORD gave, and the LORD hath taken away; blessed be the name of the LORD.

Direction... the Answer to my "Where to?"

About two years ago we (Michael and I) decided to try to have another baby.  We had our concerns such as...

my disabilty...

money...

daycare...

money...

Michael's age...

money...

starting over with a diaper bag, formula, sleepless nights...

money...

But we also felt the desire to have another... a boy- maybe?  But a little sister for Jayda would be great too... Jayda wanted a baby too... But...

Money? (was slightly on our mind- slightly)

*Sigh* We went back and forth... yes... no... maybe... no, yes... ugh, maybe we shouldn't because you know... the money thing...

Ok... here is the deal... let's leave it up to God...

"God, we are going to try... but you decide...ok?" 

 "OK..." (He didn't really say OK... but yeah, you get the picture). 

Sooo, I go for my yearly check up... the fun one that makes you absolutely hate uhm, I mean, LOVE being a woman and have the privilege to bring a miracle into the world... yeah, that visit.  And to make it even more enjoyable, they weigh you.  I won't enlighten you with numbers, but let's just say - I weighed more than I weighed when I was 9 months pregnant with Jayda.  Uhm, yeah.  And I wish I could say I was one of those blessed pregnant girls that only gained the amount that the baby weighed... yeah, maybe Jayda's weight at the age of 5.  Anyhoo...so I don't think I need to REALLY tell you what the doctor told me... do I?

Yeah... something about losingweight.1200caloriediet.workout... it was all such a blur...

so yeah...

I went to workout out with Leah Wells that very same day... seriously.

All to have another baby... IF God wanted us too... (can't leave that out- it's important... really).

So that was the plan... I had a year to lose the weight- then we'd try to get pregnant... in that order.  (I was sure God would say yes... really).

Well, a year later (I do have a point- promise)... I lost some of the weight... enough in my opinion to try...

We tried.

God said no.

Surprisingly...

I was OK with that.

But, what now God?  Is this it? 

"HA, HA, HA... is this it? Of course THIS is not it." God replied (no, really, He did). 

He went on to say...

Don't you feel your confidence?  Don't you feel stronger?  Aren't you liking your results?  Don't you feel like YOU can do things now?  You CAN... you CAN... you.. you - meaning ME?? 

I can. 

You see, God knew that the only way He would get me to commit to the weight loss was the idea of possibly having another baby. And He knew that I needed to lose the weight to gain my confidence.  And I needed my confidence to do what He needed me to do.  So, He went with that.  I lost the weight... but He had a better plan.  A plan for me to get physically stronger, mentally stronger, become confident, feel so good about myself, accept my disablity, follow dreams, accomplish goals...

He found a way to show me that I was worth so much.  He knew it... but He needed me to know it. 

I found my value, I showed my daughter things that her mommy could do instead of focusing on what mommy couldn't do...

I found me. 

 That was His plan all along.

So, ok, He was done... right?

Uh, NO! 

He has been speaking to me.

He wants me to follow His plan. I had so many questions for Him the other day and I found myself with some down time, on my own, so I opened up my bible and was led to to the following scriptures:

Luke 1:45

Blessed is she that believed, for there shall be fulfillment of the things which have been spoken.

OK, God... I believe... but what... what do I do?

So He then led me to:

Luke 1:79

To shine upon them that sit in darkness and the shadow of death; to guide our feet into the way of peace. 

OK, you want me to help others, others who are hurt, suffering... disabilites, illnesses, perhaps?  But how Lord?  How?

Revelation 1:19

WRITE... write therefore the things which thou sewest and the things which are and the things which shall come to pass hereafter. 

But, Lord... I have VERY limited knowledge on YOUR words... I am knew to scripture... How can I really do this and be successful?  Where do I start?  Who can guide me? 

I closed my bible at this point... not sure on what was next.

Went to service this morning to listen to this:

"Use what you've been given." 

Serve the Lord with what YOU can do.  And if you are not sure what it is exactly that YOU can do... just start with something... experiment. 

And this is where my committment to our Lord begins...

With my God... I can do all things... with my God... I will do what He wants me to do.

I'm on a journey... and I am ready.

Be blessed my friends. 

MommyHood

Celebrating Mother's Day this past Sunday got me to thinking of my role as a mommy... Jayda's Mommy... and the thought of the 3 women before me who are my role models... leaving a legacy for all to see.

What can I say? She is my life. I adore her. Her happiness & and her success is important to me. I can't thank the Lord enough for allowing me to be Jayda's Mommy... Jayda's Mommy... I love it... it defines me. Before you tell me that it shouldn't be the only defining  role in life - it isn't... it has helped me find myself. It has led me to love me as well. It has gotten me to be the best I could be for myself and to become a better mommy.

She saved me.

While I want to get her the best in life, make sure she gets all she needs, a few of her wants... what scares me the most is... will I raise her to know Him? He who allowed me to borrow her... He who loves her MORE than I do. Am I doing right by Him with her? All I can do is pray for His continued guidance. I know He has BIG plans for this sweet little girl with a BIG heart... I can't wait to see what her story is. It is going to be a good one. I just know it.

For now, she knows she is beautiful... on the outside, but I have truly emphasized to her the beauty she holds within. THAT makes her my pageant queen... her beauty within.

Everything to Me

Listen to song - Everything to Me- HERE!

I knew the stories. Christmas time was about His birth and Easter was about His resurection. They were neat stories... I believed them. I knew He, without a doubt, existed.

 I prayed, sometimes, OK, so it was "Our Father" during an occassional church service.

 I DID talk to Him though... OK, OK... I yelled at Him when things felt wrong, when things went wrong. But when things were going MY way... He never had a place in my thoughts.

 Really.

Wow. I just typed that out and admitted it.

 And that lasted for quite a long time. In fact, I can honestly say it wasn't until recently that I truly started talking to him. Like, real, one on one converstations.

 It wasn't until recently that I started listening to Him.

 It wasn't until recently that I knew He had BIG plans for me... LIKE REAL big plans... I am talking about "wow, Lord, really, you think *I* can do that?" type of plans.

It wasn't until recently that I realized I was meant to have cancer, I was meant to walk with a limp, I was meant to be Jayda's mommy, I was meant to be a teacher...

But, it wasn't until today that I realized EXACTLY what HE did for me...

it wasn't until today that I realized the pain, the hurt, the discomfort, the ridicule, the anguish that He went through for ME... yes, ME.

It wasn't until today, that I realized that He is everything to Me... because I am everything to Him... and, yes, REALLY, He KNOWS I can do what He has been talking to me about these past couple of months. He knows I can, and when I get startled, scared, or nervous... He will be right there... He will remind me that I can do it... because HE already saw the end result... He knows what I am capable of. Thank you Lord, thank you.

*********

My Easter was wonderful today.
We first went to church and got to see a very touching drama on the Crucifixion... very powerful.
Then we went and spent some time with My brother Jaime and sister-in-law Jessica... where we ate a lot!! Everything was so good! I am extremely blessed to have an amazing family. After that celebration we went over to see my grandparents. It was a quick visit, but I am glad I got to see them and wish them a Happy Easter. My grandma is one of the women in my life that I look up to. She is loving, giving and so, so strong! I love both of them very much... and I thank them for being in my life and teaching me what true, unconditional love is.
Here I am with them...

And of course no Easter is complete without JAYDA pictures ;-)...

Have a blessed week!