Thursday, March 31, 2011

Jayda & The Beauty Within Our Hearts

A blessing.

That is what our kids are.

That is what Jayda is for me.

I am glad that through the journey that I began 2 years ago I have been able to become a better mommy- not perfect, but better.

And it has been a result of
 my faith increasing,
 my self-confidence increasing,
my self-worth being discovered
 I have become the mother I've wanted my daughter to have...
the mother that my child deserved,
one that she can look at and be proud of.
One that can show her that nothing is impossible.
One that can help her find the beauty within her heart.

And although rough patches in our future are certainly guaranteed...
I know through faith... 
and through our hearts...
and our God...
we will be ok...

Will WE fall? Definitely.
 Will SHE fall? Most certainly.

 But, the job of a parent is not to make sure our kids don't fall
or to expect that they never fall or fail us.
 It is to make sure that we gave them the purpose and the ability to get back up and keep moving forward.

That is ALL we can do.

Thursday, March 24, 2011

Bungee Cords

You take the risk... it looks fun... a leap of FAITH... why not? It'll be alright... you take the leap, the jump... you go for it... after all... the cord is there... the bungee cord will hold you... it makes you feel secure... it will keep you from falling flat on the ground... it will hold you up.

That is how a bungee cord works. They can secure just about anything. It can withstand a lot of pulling of force.

It has a strong looking exterior. It is strong. It will HOLD you. It will NOT let you fall. It allows you to take risks...

Do you have a bungee cord?

I do.

3 as a matter a fact.

Michael, he hold me up always.  Never thinks my crazy ideas are out of reach... always encourages me... always fights for me, defends me... motivates me... and my biggest fan. 

My other two cords... my behind-the-scenes cords...


They are what I like to refer to as the reinforcements.  I love them so... and I know they will always be there to keep me from ever completely falling head first.

My bungee cords...

Thursday, March 17, 2011

The Story Behind Every Story...

"But there's a story behind everything. How a picture got on a wall. How a scar got on your face. Sometimes the stories are simple, and sometimes they are hard and heartbreaking. But behind all your stories is always your mother's story, because hers is where yours begin."
— Mitch Albom


I am so blessed to have my life story originate from such strong and wonderful women. I can only pray that I can be to Jayda what they have been to me.

I recently read The Five People You Meet in Heaven by Mitch Albom and it made me realize how many questions I will have for my great-grandma when I get to see her again. I had a special bond with her when I was younger, she was a huge part of my life at a very young age, sadly she passed when I still a young age... and I didn't physically have her around as a teen or an adult... but I know she's been around in other ways.

I know, without a doubt, she and Jayda have a very special connection. I know they "know" each other. I believe in my heart that she held Jayda before I ever did. Since Jayda was a very "planned" baby (IUI)- I know exactly when she was conceived-- Mami Jesusita's birthday- November 7. It was through a procedure that usually isn't successful until the 3rd attempt... we got pregnant on our first attempt. Coincidence? I think not. Jayda also has shared strong desires  to visit her grave. She has this connection. Too strong of a connection to not believe that they know each other. And I can't wait to see my great-grandma and hear all about it when that time comes. It is a true blessing!

But, we all have great stories to tell... and yes, they have all started out from our mother's...
wonderful, God fearing women!



Tuesday, March 15, 2011

Do Not Fear; He Will Help You

For I am the LORD, your God, who takes hold of your right hand and says to you, Do not fear; I will help you.
Isaiah 41:13 (NIV)

It took me a long time to realize that I wasn't alone. I mean, I always knew I had my mom and dad, Michael... my entire family, but yet many times weakness would hit, the "this is too hard" mentality would take over. The "I can't do it" syndrome would strike, and believe me, it would knock me down hard. Then, through many trials, many tears, many frusterations... I realized... I am not alone... I am never alone...

He, my God...
 is with me...
He holds my hand...
and He helps me.

As I teach my class... He helps me.
As I raise my daughter... He helps me.
As I strive to be a good wife... He helps me.
As I strive to be a good daughter, sister, niece, aunt and friend... He helps me.
As I work towards goals... He helps me.
As I completed my first half-marathon... He helped me.
As I lift more weight I ever thought possible... He helps me.
As I continue to reach for what many think as impossible... He will help me... when I get weak and grow tired... He will help me...

He will always help me... because I am worth it to Him... and His greatest desire is for me to be worth it to myself... We are all worth it.  So need to be scared...

Believe that.

Wednesday, March 9, 2011

She Spoke The Truth

I really have nothing to add to what I am quoting below... just read it and learn. This is truth... not religion... just good, old-fashioned, Jesus lovin' truth.

I am sick and tired of watching Christians eat their own. And what I mean by that is all the attacking and the back-biting and the endless arguments over what Jesus said and how he said it and who is right and who is wrong. I will never claim to be a great theologian, largely because I am not a great theologian, but I believe in a God who loves mercy and grace. I believe in a God that tells us that without love we are just clanging cymbals.

And I believe when we spend so much time dissecting the Word of God merely to argue with others over who is the most right, it makes God sad. I think it makes Him shake His holy head and wonder how we are missing the entire point of Christianity while we eat lunch and go to work and shop the sales at Gap with people all around us who don’t know Him. But instead of showing them who He is, they see us fight and argue and judge each other instead of extending grace and understanding and mercy.

Don’t get me wrong, I believe we are called to examine God’s word and to know it. We are called to be able to give an answer for what we believe and why we believe it. But when we use that knowledge to belittle others or condemn them? OH NO MA’AM.

“For this very reason, make every effort to add to your faith goodness; and to goodness, knowledge; and to knowledge, self-control; and to self-control, perseverance; and to perseverance, godliness; and to godliness, brotherly kindness; and to brotherly kindness, love. For if you possess these qualities in increasing measure, they will keep you from being ineffective and unproductive in your knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ. But if anyone does not have them, he is nearsighted and blind, and has forgotten that he has been cleansed from his past sins.” 2 Peter 1:5-9

I think Satan (oh yes, I just dropped in a Satan like I’m the church lady) loves when we get so distracted by all these small debates that cause us to become so inwardly focused that we forget about the world around us that is hurting, hopeless and lost. A world that is desperate for something that looks different. Something that offers a hope and a future that’s different from the wreckage of the past and present.

I have lived a large chunk of my thirty-nine years in rebellion against God. I’ve ignored His word, run from His love, and tried my best to screw up my life with a lot of wrong decisions. I’ve also spent many years devoted to Him to the point of becoming legalistic and judgmental and losing the joy of my salvation because I’ve been so worried about the rules. I’ve looked at a lot of specks in other people’s eyes while ignoring the big old plank in my own.

But somewhere over the last several years, I’ve begun to realize that my small mind can’t comprehend the love and mercy of God. He is not a one size fits all Creator. He is the God of the Universe and He has made us all uniquely different and equipped each of us with gifts and abilities to fulfill plans He has for us. Why would we assume that our walks with Him or even our understanding of Him would look the same? As it says in Isaiah 40:13 “Who has understood the mind of the Lord, or instructed him as his counselor?”

My walk with Christ is as uniquely mine as my personality. I’ve spent a lot of time believing I should be more like this Bible teacher or more emotional like this person or hear from God in a certain way or adopt a child from Africa or sell all my earthly possessions, but He’s made me to be me. And He’s made you to be you. If God was only after one type of relationship with one type of person, it probably would have been a whole lot easier for Him to just create one person and be done with it. I speak from experience. I only have one child and it’s easy to know her because she’s the only one I have.

But I know from watching my friends with multiple children that they have unique relationships with each of those kids based on their personalities and their gifts. They talk to their kids differently and show them how they love them in ways that speak to that child.

I believe God is the same way.

And I believe it’s ignorant when we start to think that our understanding of Him is the only way and there’s no room for growth. I don’t believe any of us will get to heaven and receive a trophy or a plaque with “YOU WERE THE MOST RIGHT” engraved on it. Throughout my life, He has been my Redeemer, Protector, Provision, Salvation, Lover, and Friend. He has caused conviction where I am in the wrong and He has loved me lavishly and extravagantly where I am just His child in need of grace and mercy.

I am not a Biblical scholar. I can’t tell you all the Greek and Hebrew translations in the Bible. In fact, I just bought a fancy Bible a few weeks ago with the Greek and Hebrew translations and I’m sure it will be great as soon as I learn how to use the dadgum thing. I’ll keep you posted.

But here’s what I do know. I do not want to serve a God who fits into my limited understanding. I don’t want to serve a God who can be completely explained in the human realm. I want a God that is so much bigger than me that I’ll spend the rest of my life trying to know Him more, love Him more, and serve Him better.

I believe in a God that removes my sins as far as the east is from the west because that’s a distance my mind can’t comprehend. I’m doing Beth Moore’s study of Revelation and she talks about when John has his vision and sees the throne room of God. He describes so many incredible, unbelievable things, but he never describes God. Most likely because God defies description.

To me, that’s the God who is worth my devotion. That’s a God I want to share with a lost world instead of reducing him to what my limited human perspective can understand.

It makes me think of a passage I read to Caroline last night in Prince Caspian by C.S. Lewis where Lucy sees Aslan after a long time apart and exclaims, “Aslan! You’re bigger.”

“That is because you are older, little one, ” answered he.

“Not because you are?”

“I am not. But every year you grow you will find me bigger.”

I pray that every year I grow I will find Him bigger.

“If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames, but have not love, I gain nothing.” I Corinthians 13: 1-3

Did you learn something?  If you didn't-- go back and re-read it with an open mind.  Yep, I said it...  be OPEN MINDED

Monday, March 7, 2011

If You Really Want To Do It... You Do It

There are no excuses.

If you have working legs- use them.
Many would love to have them.

If you have working arms- strengthen them.
Some don't have the ability to simply feed themselves.

If you have both-
seriously - get off your behind... and just do it.

Dig deep for the desire, the energy, the want, the need and most importantly - the self-worth. YOU are worth it. Don't sell yourself short. Ever.

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